Our trusty warrior gathered the goods of heroism. There was a great task before him and he knew this. He picked up the mighty and horrifying Agonizer, the thickest, comfiest pillow around. He grabbed his trusty Punisher, the mightiest foam finger. Then the all powerful Obliterator, the most incredible frisbee the world the world has ever seen. It was crafted by three blind monks in the Netherlands. Then there was his big metal tube, the Footrest.
Yes, I was ready for my fight, ready to take on... well, that I was didn't know just yet.
I decided to gain a sidekick.
Four hours I searched and fatefully stumbled upon a pile of papers.
'Hmm...' I thought, which was a rarity. 'This must be a sign.'
I gathered all of my new sidekick in my arms and began to carry him back to my mom's apartment.
A car drove slowly by us. Then again in the opposite direction. Then a third time.
“I think we're about to have company,” I informed my sidekick.
Just as predicted that car was soon next to me.
The driver rolled down his window.
“What are you doing out here?” He inquired.
“I was walking around in search of a sidekick. I found a pretty good one.”
I then held up my sidekick.
“And where did you walk from, dressed in that cow gear?”
“Overland Park.”
“How many bones do you have on you?”
I started at him blankly.
Two passengers stepped out of the vehicle, one spoke.
“We don't have time for this, just give me all your money.”
He then removed what appeared to be a banana peel he'd been smoking from his mouth. He walked over to me and rubbed it into Pileofpaper Boy, who quickly ignited.
The flame of fury spread to my eyes. I held the smoldering remains of the best sidekick I ever had in my arms. I looked up from the corpse to the faces of his killers and screamed.
“Pileofpaper Boy! I will avenge you!”
During my exclamation I drew the Agonizer and began poking the smoker.
The smoker was quite confused by my mode of attack. He stared at the pillow which prodded him.
“I see that the Agonizer has ceased your evil thoughts!”
“No, it is just that you are prodding me with a pillow and I wasn't quite expecting it.” Responded the smoker.
“Right, like I'd believe that.”
The driver and the other thug drew lead pipes and preceded to beat me silly. The smoker stood defenseless against the Agonizer's onslaught.
As I was on the verge of passing out the Footrest fell from my shoulder. The thugs all looked down stunned. I picked it up and the thugs backed off, reentered their car and were driving away.
I drew my Obliterator and flung it at the car. It dinked nicely off the rear windshield and plummeted groundward. The driving continued unabated.
“Yes, they were a good fight. They couldn't compare with my might and they realized it. Good thing for them.” I said right prior to blacking out.
I woke up in the hospital, victorious. I looked into a small plastic thing with a trash bag within. Inside I found great joy in the form of some discarded paper.
“Pileofpaper Boy! You're alive!” I shouted and rejoiced.
“I thought I'd never see you again.”
-And so a dynamic duo was created.
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