CD 2:the Commentary
back to: CD Central Just by July
I'd not touched on it for the last commentary, but there was a shift from third to first person. The first five stories were written in third person. The sixth was written in first person. If I remember correctly, I wrote the sixth one at school, during class. Likely Ms Cyr's Physics or Mr Koehler's Pre-Calculus. The sixth story, the Slaughterhouse, was in my opinion far superior to those stories prior. Between my own impression and feedback from my readers (Josh Loeffert, Casey Barthelow, Adam Riha and Clark Stephenson were the most consistent readers) it seemed clear, there was some suck on the older stories.
With the passage of time it became somewhat clear: third person made me more prone to lame asides from all-knowing narrator to reader. First person clears much clutter, allows for better voice for the character and as I'd written many in first that were good, it was just good for continuity.
The Big Menacing Abandoned Warehouse of Thieves. I didn't need the title to be that long, at the time it tickled my fancy to have really long names for things (as will be seen in other Era Classico stories). It may have been abandoned at some point, but it was full of thieves by the same name. Perhaps that could be a joke, but eh. The building is better non-descript than menacing. Big can be handled when he came by it. I am fine with the embedded quark of CD being told to go to the Warehouse of Thieves and that is all he needs to find it.
One Small Man v One Small Guy. He first appeared as the small fonted One Small Man. When I wrote the Slaughterhouse I didn't have this story with me, I didn't remember what I'd called him. In that story he was dubbed One Small Guy. It had a better ring to it, I felt. Further, the abbreviated form of the name is far better. OSG, not OSM. There have been battles in my head if he should be given a name.
Big guy became Betty. In many wrestling games I'd make an astronomically sized wrestler, which I'd dub Betty. The wrestler would be sharply dressed in blacks and would be too large to feel realistic. Betty shrunk 2'2” from v1 to the modernized story, once more just for realism's sake. Betty sort of sucked in the wrestling games, in the story he can lift things of almost any weight but can't take much punishment.
McLaren became a LeBaron for realism. Dan used to drive us around in a LeBaron.
809 words became 737 in the modernization.
back to: CD Central Just by July
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