I stood atop the large building on College and Metcalf and surveyed the city sprawled out before me. I turned to my right, to my friend, my sidekick, Pileofpaper Boy. I looked before me to the place of tonight's crusade. It was to be my first attack against the beef industry.
Taco Bell.
Yes, they were enjoying their beef burritos and their nachos with beef on them. They were killing cows and profiting from it, disgusting.
My head began to tingle, I felt a weird sensation run through my head. I tilted my head back, then it began to jolt forward. I attempted to cover my mouth with my left hand, but the sneeze came out. The left hand deflected this mighty gust and Pileofpaper Boy was hit. PB was blown to pieces and scattered into the air. His pieces spread and spun on their journey to the ground. I could do nothing but watch helplessly as PB fell ten stories to the harsh ground below.
“Pileofpaper Boy! I will avenge you!” But I realized I came across a foe I could not defeat. I fell to my knees and screamed out to the sky.
“There is nothing I can do, the enemy is too great. The cold has claimed a life and I can do nothing.”
A dog nuzzled against my hand, then began licking.
“You're right, I can't let this stop me, I will continue my quest. How did you get on this roof?”
No answers came and I left to fight the cold alone.
I fought the cold off and on for days before the final confrontation. I was sitting, exhausted in my garage. I held off wave after wave of sneezes and coughs. My eyes were watering and I realized: 'hot gets rid of cold.'
I fired up the Spud, turned its heater on and let the car heat up. I smiled as I thought of how hot the engine must be by now. I popped the hood and cut up a bunch of tubes that were filled with hot air and swallowed in as much hot air as possible. I blacked out.
Hours later I woke in a puddle of strange-smelling greenish liquid. I could barely move. My throat was singed. I couldn't talk. I felt as if I would never eat again, every breath I pulled in stung my lungs.
I celebrated much but accepted that I might meet this opponent again. I had defeated the cold.
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