I sat through programming class without a hitch, and then off to Calculus.
Sure, it turned out that Mr. Koehler was an insane evil mastermind, but heck, he is still my teacher... so I sat through it. And then it happened, a crash in the hallway, the students all jumped... Koehler cackled and looked at me. I glared back and shook my fist at him...
I grabbed ball o' yellow and dove out of the room.

The hallway was completely empty.
Except for the large goo monster, and the three janitors warding him off with brooms.
I looked around and saw that no one was watching me... so I jammed the ball o' yellow into my chest and transformed. Black and white light engulfed me, and I emerged out of the light as Cow Defender.

I began running towards the conflict and began to let out a war cry.
“Stop vile fie...” and then I slammed into a student, who was coming out of a classroom. He slammed backwards, and slid on the ground. I fell down to my knees. Most of the damage I took was about where the Ford hit me yesterday. I looked towards the student.
“Hey, Aaron. Are you alright?”
“NO! How do you know my name?!” he started scrambling for the contents of his backpack, which had been flung everywhere.
“Sorry man...” and I headed back to the fight.
Then Aaron Lynn muttered about 'stupid cow defender,' and 'that damned steven is my lab partner today.'

I reached the melee.
“Cow Defender! I am glad to see you here, we weren't going to be able to hold this thing off much longer...” said Janitor1.
“What is it?” asked me.
The janitors shrugged.
“I am Cl I F H Br O N!!! I AM THE DIATOMICS!!!” and then it roared with laughter and flung one of its gooey arms at janitor2. The janitor was throttled backwards against the senior lockers.
“Knock off all that evil!” shouted me, and then Cl I F turned his attention to me. He swiped his hand against the tops of some lockers, which melted. He then grabbed me and flung me in.
After a minute of awkward elbowing I lodged it a little open and shoved it the rest of the way.
I jump-kicked at the creature, and it took the hit. My leg stuck in, and I sunk down to the ground. I stood up, and slashed at him with my Agonizer (my pillow arm), and it absorbed a little of him, but as a whole, but didn't phase him. It then punched me, flinging me back 33ft., through a window.
“ow”
I slowly rose and charged him, and through him?
He roared again and double axe-handled me to the ground.
“ow”
I slowly rolled to be face up, and focused my eyes on Cl I F. A puff appeared behind him. He wobbled around... my eyes lost focus.
When I could see straight again I looked around... no Cl I F... the bell rang... I hurried and pulled the ball o' yellow out of my chest, and was Steven again.

“Hey Steven... you looked battered... and what is that mess?” said a voice. I spun on my heels towards the voice... it was Aaron.
“Yes.” did he see? oh, dear...
He looked confused, he might have seen.
He might not have. I dashed to the Calculus room, and grabbed my backpack.
Koehler scowled at me, and he bit his thumb at me.
Off to AP Chemistry. It was lab day.

I sat down and Ms Levine was looking at me funny... when I noticed she looked away. I looked around, Aaron came in and scowled at me and was seated. I looked out into the hallway and saw Ms Cyr scowling at me, then walk to her classroom.
Students settled in, the bell rang.

Ms Levine walked up to the board and began explaining the day's experiment.
She pushed the board to the side, revealing bold letters which read:
Today's experiment: chemically determining what % cow defender you are

uh, oh... she explained the process, of using chemicals and Bunsen burners (Scott Rosemann was ecstatic) to determine something a-rather, and then putting stuff through a calculation to determine what percent Cow Defender we were.

“We should all come out to be between 0% and 6%, anything higher means you did it wrong... or you are Cow Defender... heh.” said Ms Levine. “Now have at.”

We got up, and put on goggles.
“Ok, Steven... don't screw anything up like you did first semester...” said Aaron.
“Come on man, we were lab partners, it was both our faults.”
He scowled and got the lab equipment out.
“Ok, the only way you aren't going to screw this up, is by not being involved.” said Aaron.
I sat on a stool, and watched as Aaron did the experiment, I copied down data...
“Ok, that was trial 1, now for trial 2, I will do the same everything, only we will use the oils from your thumb, not mine... but don't touch anything else...” said Aaron... then he put on surgical gloves and handed me a distilled tissue... “just wipe your thumbs off on this.”
“ok”
He took it from me and we repeated the experiment.
I could feel as sweat began to bead on my forehead.
My right hand began to quake.

“STOP IT!” shouted Aaron “you are making me nervous... do you want me to mess up?”
I stopped, held my breath.
“Ok, all done...” said Aaron.
I fell over.

“geez... what's wrong with you?” asked Aaron as he shook me awake. I got up.
We did some math.
Finalized results.
Aaron: 1.2%
Steven: 99.8%

Aaron stared at me, then the results.
Then me.
A vein started pulsating in his forehead.
Sweat dripped down my nose.

“Steven.......
............you always screw up these labs!!!” shouted Aaron.

Aaron began relentlessly pummelling me.
Then a kick barrage to the ribs.
Then a stool to my face.
“ow”
But I was relieved, my misdoings in the lab had saved my identity.
He took the Bunsen burner to my hand. I passed out from the pain.

I woke up 14 minutes later.
Just me and Ms Levine were in the classroom, during a passing period.

“I am sorry Steven... Ms Cyr showed me that experiment to me, and it looked interesting... I didn't know you were Cow Defender...” said Ms Levine. “and Ms Cyr told me to group you with Aaron... I didn't understand why... I still don't. I was working on a living version of the Diatomics... and Mr Koehler said he needed to see it by himself... I let him... a couple of hours later it went nuts and left here. I chased it down and used a solvent that would destabilize its weak molecular forces... the whole monster was only held together by London dispersion forces... very weak... well a little covalent bonding, too... well any ways. I saw you, Cow Defender, fighting it. I should give you extra creit or something for preventing it from hurting anyone.”
“You won't tell anyone will you?” asked me.
“No, of course not...” said Ms Levine, “what is going on with Ms Cyr and Mr Koehler.”

I filled in Ms Levine in on the Scientist conspiracy... they seek to dominate the planet, but destroy me first. They haven't gotten around to the whole global domination thing yet. I am their only obstacle... well, me and Condiment Man.
I told her the Scientist conspiracy was being led by mathematicians and physicists...
I learned today that I might have found new allies...

...the Chemeests.

my hand.

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