Dodge City was coming toward the Park of Overland. It was huge. It was, after all, a city.
“Okay, people, gather 'round!” and they did, except for one. “Come on Independent Man! We are all going to have to work together on this one!”
“Screw you, I don't need no one.”
“Okay, fine. We are going to need to work in two group for this.
Group One will consist of the Rock, Austin Tacious, Moor Lee, Independent Man, the Carbonator and will be lead by Adam, Condiment Man's sidekick.
Group Two will consist of UBAM, the Renegade Pianist, Magnet Girl, Kak Man, the Ponderer, Cl I F H Br O N, and will lead be lead by me.
Group One will get into Dodge City and try and rescue as many citizens as possible, and possibly destroy Dodge City from within.
Now, Group Two, we have the tougher job. We will have to make sure that the Kansas City area isn't destroyed by Dodge City. If possible we will lead Dodge City out of Kansas City and then we will destroy Dodge City.
So, people, let's go!”
Group One dashed off under Adam's command and my troops rallied around me.
Then I noticed him. “Hey, Independent Man, you were supposed to go with Group One.”
“Bite me,” he responded.
“Where did the Ponderer go?” I asked.
--Group One
“Okay people, let's get into Dodge,” commanded Adam.
“But how do we get our Roody Poo Candy Asses up there to Lay the Smackdown?” the Rock queried.
“Well, it must be quite tall,” Moor Lee contributed.
“Yes, hmm.” said Austin.
“Well, we could get a helicopter.” said the Carbonator.
“But how?” asked Mr Tacious.
“I know, new station!” said Adam, and they were off to Fox 4.
--Group Two
RP sat and tuned his Piano, to make sure he could appropriately break physical laws.
Independent Man walked around doing his own thing.
Magnet Girl was repelling all the guys in the group.
UBAM hovered above the ground, flapping his gargoylish wings.
Kak Man was being all Kak-like.
Cl I F H Br O N was being all chemical.
Me, on the other hand, I'm a little afraid. Dodge City was coming for me. It was mad. Last time I destroyed it accidentally and with the help of nuclear warheads from what I understand.
I had to hide all that. “Okay everybody, lets head towards it.”
And we did, even Independent Man followed this time. Probably because this wasn't even his group.
--Group One
“Wow, getting this was easier than I expected.” said Adam, “good work Mr Tacious.”
“No trouble, that always seems to work to get those people's helicopters.”
“I'll hafta try it sometime.” said Moor Lee.
And the Rock climbed into the pilots seat.
“Hey, Rocky, you can fly?” asked the Carbonator.
“There is nothing the Great One can't do.” said the Rock.
And they loaded up and moved out.
They quickly reached the mechanized Dodge City.
After the Rock got within 35 feet, gravity greatly reduced and was soon reduced to microgravity.
The air resistance persisted and made for some crazy flying.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”screamed Moor Lee.
“Simmer down jabroni, the Rock can handle it,” Moor Lee did as he was told and the Rock did as he said he could.
A few moments later the Rock successfully landed the helicopter and Group One entered Dodge City.
And terror awaited them.
--Group Two
Dodge City was heading in faster than I feared. It's going to get a couple miles into the town, destroying a good deal of city and killing countless people.
“We gotta speed up to make sure that thing destroys less city,” I demanded.
We pushed harder, ran faster. Independent Man disappeared.
Magnet Girl began repelling the ground directly behind her and she learned how to fly.
UBAM picked up Kak and began flying him.
I got onto my High Horse and Cl I F just sped up his slithering.
We were going to meet up with the City in a couple of minutes.
--Group One – Encounters Opposition
“hey, 'heroes,' you aren't gonna win this time!” said one small guy.
“You humans can't even hurt me!” declared Faa.
“You will fall victim to Science!” added the Seer.
“And calculus!” added Koehler.
“You will see the light!” said Roy G Biv.
The Evil Paper Shredder said nothing.
“You guys stop the melodramatics and kill them,” said a hidden man. “This is my project and I don't want to see lengthy speeches getting in the way.”
“Yes sir,” responded one small guy sarcastically.
Roy G Biv leapt at Austin Tacious and both were enveloped by their respective fields of light. They blended together. The two became a sphere of light. A globe of luminescence that began to roll around.
Paper Shredder attacked the Carbonator. “Your blood carbonating ability will have no effect on me Carbonator!”
Then the Paper Shredder backhanded Carbonator, leveling her.
He then kicker her in the gut while she attempted to push up off the ground. She fell onto her side and let out a jagged breath.
The Seer punched at Adam, who had moral objections to hitting women.
But, luckily, Adam had a high tolerance for pain and the Seer's punches did little to Adam. But the barrage continued and eventually she would injure him.
Faa performed a flying kick at Moor Lee and kung fu fighting ensued.
Moor Lee unleashed a flurry of punches that was met by an incredible series of parries.
Faa followed his spectacular defensive maneuvers with a vicious right jab to Moor Lee's face. Backed by the tremendous might of Faa. The punch sent Moor Lee reeling.
Then Koehler and one small guy did a double clothesline on the People's Champion, the Rock.
The Rock got himself off the ground and raised the People's Elbow.
“You are about to be thrown down to the intersection of Know Your Role Avenue and Jabroni Drive and you're gonna be checked into the Smackdown Hotel,” said the Rock.
“The number are stacked against you,” said Koehler.
And the Rock began his greatest handicap match ever.
--Group Two - Interception
Dodge City had only made it a little more than a mile into Overland Park, destroying merely Blue Valley High School, Timber's Edge housing, Overland Trail Middle and Elementary Schools and the town of Stanley.
I came to the unfortunate realization that my band of heroes and I were underfoot.
The evil city then began to bring its foot down upon us.
“AHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Magnet Girl.
“Oh dear,” I said.
Kak and RP cowered.
The foot stopped and hovered above us.
“FINALLY, I SHALL REAP MY VENGEANCE ON YOU COW DEFENDER!”
“I didn't do it! It was on accident! Ok, I did it, but I'm sorry!”
There was a long pause and then a cab pulled up. Independent Man stepped out and prepared to pay the cabbie.
“Hey, you are my sidekick. I should pay for you.”
“I don't need your money. I don't need anything from you!” He paid the man. The cab sped out from under the foot of Dodge City.
There was another long pause, then finally another outpouring of words from the City.
“WELL, WHICH ONE, CD?” it asked.
“What?”
“YOU LISTED THREE THINGS. WHICH ONE IS THE TRUTH?”
“What all did I say again?”
“THE FIRST ONE WAS YOU DIDN'T DO IT,
THE SECOND WAS YOU DID IT ON ACCIDENT,
THE THIRD WAS YOU DID IT, BUT YOU ARE SORRY.”
“Honestly, it was number three, kinda.”
“KINDA?”
“Well, yeah, I wasn't that sorry. It was basically my first successful attack on the cow killing industry. So I kinda celebrated.”
“OH, OH, YOU MUST DIE! AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE TO SPARE YOU!”
I was then slapped upside the back of the head by Independent Man.
“Good goin' 'boss,' ya jerk.”
Then the City continued to lower the foot.
“Ahhhhhhh!” screeched Magnet Girl like the little girl she was.
--Group One – Raging Battle
Moor Lee back-flipped away from Faa and sprung back with a spinning heel kick to the side of Faa's head. His massive body quivered and he faltered back a few steps. He fell to one knee and the 450 lbs that is Faa dented the asphalt.
Moor Lee slammed down at Faa's right shoulder with an axe-kick, Faa snapped back into reality and caught Moor Lee's kick by the ankle. He pulled the leg to the side and punched firmly into Moor Lee's now unprotected reproductive region. Moor Lee had regained all of his focus and using Faa's grip on his ankle as support, he back-brain kicked Faa. Faa fell backwards and Moor Lee with no legs beneath him fell as well. Both lay unconscious on the ground.
Carbonator found herself incapable of injuring the mechanized monstrosity and found herself simply trying to evade and escape the Paper Shredder. She needed to switch up on opponent.
Adam was finally starting to feel the effects of the Seer's continuous pumelling, which had finally began to settle on his neck. He was thinking, even if it was only a girl hitting him in the neck, it still still sucked. He needed to switch up, he saw the Carbonator was in a similar predicament. “Carby, let's switch!” Adam side-flipped, landing on the Paper Shredder's back. His hands sought grips and found tubes hidden between the Paper Shredder's neck and an armor plate a few inches in front of the neck. Good thing I have these skinny fingers Steven always made fun of, they are gonna win me this one.
He tore at the tubes.
Carbonator focused her attention on the Seer.
“This will be too easy, I've killed you before!” said the Carbonator.
“Eek,” and Seer leapt from Dodge City. She floated in the microgravity wake for several moments until she reached the wake's edge. She plummeted to the earth below.
The globe unformed. Roy G Biv flew out of Dodge City after its falling master.
“Woo, that was weird.” said Austin Tacious. He collapsed then emitted a powerful glow from the struggle with Roy.
A crowd formed around the Rock, one small guy and Koehler. The crowd cheered for the Rock. Koehler and one small guy came at the Rock with another double clotheslines, the Rock ducked it and put his arms around the necks of his foes. His eyebrow rocketed up and the crowd cheered. They knew what was coming: the Rock Bottom. Not just a normal one, but a Double Rock Bottom, never before seen. The Rock then bounded up in the air a little, leaned forward, pushed his legs backwards putting his weight into the backs of their knees, buckling them. They both were pulled backwards, the Rock Bottom slammed the backs of their heads into the concrete ground. Koehler and one small guy laid on the ground, completely stunned. The Rock stood between them, looked out across the crown, People's Eyebrow again raised. He then grabbed his elbow pad and slowly pulled it off his arm and flung it into the crowd. Screaming anticipation followed. He ran towards the throng and pushed off to gain momentum and ran back to the two fallen men. He drove his elbows deep into the hearts of both of his opponents (not completely literally, you see, more that region than anything). The Rock then worked the crowd.
Austin Tacious walked over to where Faa laid and Adam walked up to him.
“Hey, Mr Tacious, the one way to kill these guys is remote control beams. You've got light powers, maybe you could do something.”
“Well, Adam, I couldn't before, but now...”
Austin then pointed his hands at the KO'd Faa, and focused. After a few moments Faa exploded. Adam took further control of the situation.
“OK people, get Moor Lee and the citizens out of here. I'm gonna look for some sort of power plant.”
And people began leaving.
--Group Two – the foot still
Cl I F formed into a solid pillar.
RP belted out a tune.
UBAM flew up to meet the foot. He pushed up with all his might.
Magnet Girl extended a magnetic field to repel the foot.
Kak, IM and myself sat there doing nothing.
Between the four of them the foot hovered two feet above my head.
Dodge City strained to force the foot down a few more inches.
The foot crept down slowly.
Sweat poured down Magnet Girl's face. I could tell she was losing it, as was UBAM.
I watched as the Seer fell to the ground and at the last moment was caught by Roy G Biv.
Then I looked back to my stalwart bunch.
“Ah! Noooo!” shouted RP.
“What?” I croaked.
“I'm getting finger cramps. I only have a few seconds left in me.”
“Me, too, sorry CD. This looks like it, the end,” said Magnet Girl.
and it was.