I awoke. My burns felt better. My desire to fight evil renewed. I searched the town over and three things caught my attention.
1) There was a cow walking around in the middle of traffic and people were yelling at it. People can be so mean when you are cow walking around stopping traffic and eating produce stands.
2) There was a garbage bag full of paper and lettuce in front of the cow.
3) There was a buy 4 get 1 free sale at Phar-Mor for tweezers.
“Pileofpaper Boy! I thought you were dead! What are you doing in that contamination suit?” Then I thought about it. Pileofpaper Boy must be trying to sneak up to the cow as to better protect it from the aggravated masses. Good thinking.. The cow must have figured out that Pileofpaper Boy had good intentions because he was head his way.
Pileofpaper Boy said nothing.
PB and the cow stood facing each other. Cars blazing their horns at them, people cussing and throwing things. Good thing PB was there or there would have been trouble.
The cow bowed his head down. It appeared that the cow was going to thank PB. Then the cow bit a chunk out of Pileofpaper Boy, then preceded to chew on him.
“Pileofpaper Boy! I will avenge yuh... I can't fight a cow.” I walked over to the cow.
“You spit my sidekick out right now!”
The cow stared at me and continued his feast.
“Stop that!”
The cow did not.
I looked this eater-of-sidekicks over a few times. A realization occurred to me. I initiated a series of punches to the face of the friend devourer. A loud, satisfying thud followed each hit. The sidekick consuming beast began to sway. I fell back to land a solid bicycle kick to its gaping maw.
Sway was replaced by a fall.
“This is a movie set! What are you doing! The poor animal!” shouted Michael Bay.
“Don't worry, it was just a fat white-painted horse, just look it had a mane of hair shaved off the back of its head. It wasn't a cow, so my work here was done.” I reached into the fat horse's mouth and pulled out some Pileofpaper Boy. I tossed the paper pulp onto the rest of PB and carried his injured sidekick away.
I walked into Phar-Mor and bought five tweezers for the price of four.
“Yes, it is a good day. PB survived and I got five tweezers.”
I returned to my garage victorious again.
I felt quite un-defeatable.