I slowly regained consciousness, and looked around at my surroundings.
I was dizzy, and couldn’t quite remember when I was at.

The room surrounding me was dark, and silent.
I became acutely aware of my upside down, hanging by me feet, status.
There was a person with me. He looked very familiar.

“Josh, is that you?” I asked, as the guy looked identical to Josh, and that is why I would ask him that.
He stepped forward, and I realized that this guy had really bright green eyes.
“No, my name is Jerry... at least right now. But, when destruction or cynicism is needed anywhere on the planet... I... AM.... CONDEMNANT MAN!”
“So, you condemn things?”
“Yes. And you are next on the list, prepare yourself Cow Defender!”

Suddenly I collapsed to the floor as the ceiling let go of me.
I landed gracefully atop my head, and rolled onto my back.
“ow.”

--EXPLOSION--
red light burst through the room, and Jerry transformed into Condemnant Man.
His suit was designed much like Condiment Man’s, except black replaced yellow.
He sprang at me while I was sprawled out on the floor.
“Condemn Kick!” he shouted. Rapid popping sounds filled the room as his leg cut through the air, and into my ribs. This slid me across the floor a good foot.
“Condom kick?”
“No, damn you!” he then dove at my rib, elbow first. Popping once more filled the room, and I managed to roll over a couple of inches.

His elbow made contact with the floor, and a deafening boom deafened me.
Before I knew what was going on, I was falling. I looked around in mid-fall and realized Condemnant Man’s elbow destroyed the floor.
I landed on a bed, Condemnant Man landed on a night stand, breaking a lamp very well.
Unfortunately for me the part of the bed that I landed on was the foot board. I didn’t break it very well.
“ow....” I said, and managed to get to my feet and walk towards the door.
Condemnant Man quickly stood and began muttering some words in Chinese, then a couple in English: “Condemning Combo!”
A sound very similar to the roaring of a train filled the room, and Condemnant Man began a barrage of blurry-quick punches while running at me. I stood at ready, then got all dizzy watching his punches and fainted.
Too much noise and fast punching for me.
Within moments I was jolted back to attention when the door that was hit, in place of my head, and consequently exploded.
From my sitting position I punched hard, and hit CM’s left thigh very well.
“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked.
“Looking at the guy behind you?”
But, CM didn’t fall for it... luckily for me a bit of the floor that we fell through (which had been waiting to fall) finally made its trip down, right down onto CM.
He fell, landing throat-first onto my upraised right knee.
Waves of agony shot through my knee. I stood and began limping from the room.

I looked around. It appeared as though I was in a hotel hallway.
And there was a cleaning lady barreling at me with a cart full of laundry.
“eek.”
“You are doomed CD!” she said, and she rammed into me at 28mph with the cart.
The impact knocked me into the cart.
The hit dazed me as did the smell of dirty laundry.
She shoved the cart powerfully along, and shouted “down to the incinerator with you!”
She unceremoniously dumped the cart's contents down a chute.
I rolled down several floors at very high speed, and landed with a thud, sternum first onto the rim of a dumpster.
“ow.”
I began to lose consciousness again.. the world went all hazy. I had trouble breathing. I pried myself from the dumpster, and began crawling to the nearest door... then found myself in the lobby.
I managed to pull myself to my feet. I began hobbling towards the main doors.
A large man behind the desk looked at me, and shouted: “he is getting away!”
The desk man leapt over the desk and began slowly walking at me. I reached into my pocket, and found what I sought. I pulled it out, and raised it high in the air.
“Bellboy!” I shouted.
Three young men dashed over to me, and the desk man was closing the distance.
“Bellboy, carry me out... there will be a good tip in it for you.”
The huskiest of the bellboys picked me up and carried me to right outside the door, I let him remove the five dollar bill from my hand.

“He has gotten out of the building!” shouted the desk man, who was still walking slowly after me.
From above I heard a voice.
“Darn it... that's right, our Nevada location has the incinerator. Well then..” said the cleaning lady
I could then see her leaning out the window of a high floor. She struggled with something. Suddenly a cleaning cart plummeted at me.
“eek” I said. I tried to move out of the carts way.
I failed.
The cart shattered on the middle of my back. What really hurt had been the various cleaning solutions pouring out over my back.
“ow.”
The desk man was still closing in on me, and Condemnant Man shouted to inform me that I could not escape his wrath.
“Can too!”
“No one escapes the METEOR DIVE!!!!!!” He leapt out of the hotel head first at me.
A deep, rumbling, roaring sound filled the air... and the sky darkened... the ground glowed a dark orange... there was a dark red glow at the core of Condemnant Man...
“eek”
“Gotcha!” said the desk man, and then he picked me up and threw me in front of an oncoming shuttle bus. It was only going about 35mph... but still.
“ow”
“Ha, you fool... you shouldn’t have messed with Desk Ma...” at that time Condemnant Man made his way to the ground, Desk Man in his way, but no obstacle.

--EXPLOSION--
A haze and dark red filled the area, and Condemnant Man stood in the center of a huge crater.
“This is a feisty one... Cleaning Lady... send the Eastern European Lummox of Southern Nebraska’s Northwest Corner after him.”
“But, CM, he is laying motionless on the ground eight feet in front of you.”
“well, yeah, but I don’t want to take any chances.”
I passed out.

Six minutes passed before I woke. CM was still standing in the crater's middle. Cleaning Lady was leading a massive fellow who had very hairy knuckles, and chest hair beyond my comprehension... he had epic sideburns... I knew I was in trouble.
I rose and began to flee.
I turned, glared at them all, and promptly said: “AHHHHHHHH!!!!” and I picked up my pace.
“UHHHHHHHHHHHNN!!!!” said the Lummox.
I sprinted out to Metcalf, and hung a left. I was running to the Quality. I turned and saw the Lummox, Condemnant Man, and Cleaning Lady all in hot pursuit... Desk Man was not. They were not catching up, and CM's frustration grew. He focused on an oncoming Lincoln Towncar.
“Bolt of Condemningness!!” he shouted and struck forward with his palm. A jagged bolt of orange flew from his hand, and a tearing sound ripped through the air. The oncoming Towncar exploded about 7 feet in front of me. I was showered with large metallic fragments, the front bumper slammed into my chest... I faltered.
“ow, my three broken ribs....” I managed to keep moving, unfortunately it was not forward... but kinda hobbling sideways into the street. A large semi swerved to avoid me and just barely careened into my pursuers... I hobbled back to the side of the road, and continued my dizzy walk to the Quality...

--EXPLOSION--
I turned to look back. The semi was gone. The Lummox and CM still stood. CM looked at me angrily... little pieces of metal and white uniform fell like rain upon them... and once more, they moved.

After what seemed like 9 minutes I arrived at the Quality... due to my superior jay-walking skill I gained a one minute lead...
I stepped in. Angela “the Leprechaun” was the ticket seller (box) of the moment, it looked like Jess was on concession...
“Hey, CD...” said Angela... “what would you like a ticket for?”
“umm.. just need to use the restroom real quick....”
“Ok, you don’t look so good... what happened some supervillains hurt you good, and you narrowly escaped?”
“yup.”
“Renegade Pianist was in here for the same reason yesterday... better use the one on the end of the 7-12 hallway... that was a lesson RP leaned all too well...” I did as she instructed.
I began limp-running down the hallway. Then I heard faintly in the distance:
“Yeah, I think Cow Defender went to the restroom on the 1-6 side of the building.”

I was safe....
I climbed into a stall, and transformed to Steve... I got out of the stall and looked at myself in the mirror.
“Wow... I can’t see any of my injuries...” I proudly thumped my chest and passed out from pain.

I woke up on the floor.
“Wow... I can sure feel my injuries.”

I left the restroom and decided to play it safe by heading up to projection.
I quickly climbed the stairs and intended to head back down the stairs nearest the lobby. I then realized I'd seen Loretta beating Josh up with a splicer, so, I turned around to face them from the top of the stairs.
“I’m gonna throw this splicer at you, and I hope it hurts.” Loretta said, she then brought the splicer up in a short wind-up.
Both of them then noticed me.
“What? You gonna tell me you’re gonna break me like the desk I am?” I asked.
Loretta growled, her face turned red, and she did indeed break me like the desk I am.
She did this by smashing the splicer into my chest.

“ow, my four broken ribs” I said when I woke fifty minutes later.
“This is a job for CD!” I slowly crawled down the stairs, my legs didn’t seem as if they were doing me any good. Right before I arrived at the bottom, I crammed the ball o’ yellow into my chest and was CD once more.
When I reached the door, I realized how difficult it was going to be to open the door without being able to stand.
A brilliant idea occurred to me.
I began knocking on the door.
Within moments the door opened and the Lummox stood over me.
“UHHHHHHHHHHNNNN!!!!!!” he roared at me.
“umm... I’m not really in good shape now... do you think we could do this again some other time?”
“UHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!”
“Please?”
“Sure.” he responded.
“and how are you the Eastern European Lummox of Southern Nebraska’s Northwest Corner, anyways? That sure seems like a lot of directions.”
“Well, my parents were lummoxes of Eastern Europe, but they moved to Nebraska.... apparently the lummoxes of the Easter Europe migrated to Nebraska... so you got be pretty specific where in Nebraska you are from....”
“Where did Condemnant Man go?”
“oh, he was pretty intrigued by the fact that he looked dang near identical to the Josh fellow, so he is stalking him.”
“oh”
“UHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNN!!!!!”
The lummox wondered off.
“ok,” and I continued to crawl to the garage... Jess looked at me.
“Were you having a conversation with him?”
“yes...”
“Well, all he said was UHHHHHHHNNNN!!!”
I thought about this, and continued home....

-I slept well that night.
back to: CD Central Just by July