I was patrolling around Overland Park on the Blur, I was happy. I was awfully big for the Blur by then, but it was still nice. People were always laughing and looking at me. It is good to see others laughing at me. It amazed me though, while they were happy and laughing they pointed to me. It made me realize that I was important enough to be pointed at even when people were busy laughing. Even when they were drinking and laughing.
All this wholesome goodness was getting to me, then I saw something. Some ripped up construction paper. which was pink.
“Pileofpaper Girl! I thought you were dead!”
Pileofpaper Girl said nothing.
“Pileofpaper Boy missed you. I will take you to him.”
I scooped her up and started riding the Blur back to the garage. A thought occurred to me. I hadn't been able to do anything to Taco Bell, maybe I should attack those who kill cows, not those who buy dead cows to sell in burritos.
I arrived at my garage and tossed Pileofpaper Girl onto the floor. I dismounted the Blur and looked around for the Jet. A breeze blew through the garage. I heard a rustle and looked to the sound. PB and PG were starting to mix together. I diverted my eyes. I didn't need to see that kind of thing. I carried the Jet out to the street and got onto the finest pogo stick in the world, and was off to Dodge City.
I pogoed through Topeka, Wichita and much road, tons of cows along the way. A refreshing trip.
Some time later I arrived in Dodge City. I surveyed the town trying to figure out where to begin. After a while I found the Spud, what an odd coincidence.
Then I took off on the Jet again.
I went to the Slaughterhouse, and began nosing around. Armed guys were everywhere, carrying assault rifles and grenades.
It was clear they were all killers, but where were the cows?
I looked around the premises until I found an elevator door in a barn. I approached, it did a retinal scan, a palm scan then asked for a passcode. Apparently the Slaughterhouse was ready for me, as it didn't let me in. I pressed the Footrest against front of the elevator door and stood aside. After thirty-some minutes the door opened, a scientist exited, tripping over the strategically placed metal tube. He fell just right, jarring the door open with his foot. I stepped in, shouldered the Footrest and slid the scientist's foot out of the door.
I descended about 25 stories.
The elevator door opened and I entered a room full of computer equipment. One of the walls was just a bank of computer monitors. Some monitors displayed radiation symbols. It was weird some showed arrows coming from Dodge City on maps. People scurried around. They were talking about holding the world hostage with ICBMs. Obviously this was a set and they were making a crazy movie.
One of the 'actors,' an older fellow who was standing next to the one small guy, shouted.
“They won't pay! They will all die from nuclear flames and radiation! Commence the launch sequence!”
The actors got to their 'battle stations' and a guy flipped a switch that said 'launch bay open.' I figured this was my time. I stepped forward and flipped the same switch hoping to ruin the scene so someone would pay attention to me.
It worked. Everyone turned their guns to me and stared.
The small guy spoke, startled.
“Impossible, no one could know about this place!”
I pressed my issue.
“Where are the cows?!”
One of the scientist-type-folk shouted that there was no time to reopen the launch doors or something. Everyone began to run about frantically. I figured that the one small guy was the most evil person there so I followed him into the room called Escape Pod, and hit him over the head with Jet. The door shut. I was momentarily mashed to the floor then, for a brief bit, I hung weightlessly in middle of the chamber.
The room shook hard. I slammed to the floor and was knocked out.
Feds woke me up. They took the small guy, then thanked me for saving the world or somesuch. They went on to say something about the destruction of Dodge City not weighing too heavily upon me, because more than a billion lives were saved.
I did begin to feel bad as I didn't destroy any of the cow killers.
A fed said, “the worst thing about all this is there won't be any beef in fast food places for a week, with the slaughterhouses all destroyed. The beef that goes to the east side of the U.S. goes through the train depot in Dodge City, which was also leveled.”
“Yeah! I did something good!”
The feds looked at me funny as I celebrated, probably out of jealousy as I'd gotten the job done and they didn't.
I carried the Jet to the Spud, which had managed to not be destroyed, and began the journey home.
-fin
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