My foot rocked back and forth. I eyeballed Sully, Heath and Catherine.
Could they tell?
Did anyone know Cow Defender was back?
It had been years since the Scientist Conspiracy was thwarted. Years since acts of super heroism. Or villainy.
Condiment Man was the only show in town. Revered for triumph after triumph.
Just a year ago a drought in South America caused a shortage of tomatoes. Which in turn led to a shortage of ketchup. Places charged extra, and often only gave on demand. Condiment Man was there. His letter to Popeye's last month received national attention and flipped their single packet policy in a week. And some of his villains are still around.
But me.
What was that white bull?
Could it ambush me when I'm with people?
Can I even control the transformation anymore?
I looked to Heath who was retrying a Need for Speed Underground 2 level while Sully sat on an overworked Catherine.
I blurted, “so, I hear Cow Defender is back.”
Heath paused the game and left the room.
Cat made some sort of sound.
Sully cocked his head.
“Who's Cow Defender?” My mind was still reeling from my blurt.
Silence, which gave way to Heath's words from another room.
“He was a hero from around here, some would say the best.”
My reeling ceased, I felt better until Heath continued.
“But then, years ago he turned his back on us. We still needed him. Where was he when the towers came down? When the bubble burst? When reality began to dominate tv? Where was he when this happened to me?!”
Sullivan looked to the hallway to see if Heath was standing within view. He was not.
Cat spoke, “hon, we can't see.”
Heath walked backwards from his room through the hallway with his shirt pulled up, back exposed. Revealing a large branding mark.
“Hon, you said that was where you drew your strength.”
“It is, but it comes at a great cost. I lose one hour every week to them, the Branders.”
Sullivan took a good look at his roommate's back.
“Who are the Branders?”
“No one knows, but once they brand you, strength beyond what you've known is yours. But once a week you look around and don't know where you're at. And an hour has passed... I trained in Thai Chi to try to gain an inner calm. One in which this evil is not welcome, but no success.”
“We had something like that in Ohio. The Hennaers.”
“They'd trick people into getting elaborate Henna designs.
Sully then revealed his stomach.
“That's where mine was, other than henna exactly the same as Branders.”
“Where'd it go?” I asked.
“All then henna just fell off everyone when the last Hennaer was thwarted by Iron Ma'am.”
“Well let's get going!” I exclaimed and stood.
All eyes upon me.
“What are we doing?” Cat asked. I'd gotten carried away.
“Let's go use Heath's rents up at Blockbuster.”
As I'd stood, I'd instilled everyone with purpose so we were out the door after just 21 minutes.
We were soon wondering the aisles of Blockbuster. Scrubs Season 1 Disc 3 or Indie Asian Action movie?
After minutes of indecision an employee walked up.
“Can I help you with anything?” He stared at Heath.
“No Adrian.” Heath replied.
“I'll be around if you need me,” Adrian then shoved Heath against the new release wall, knocking down three shelves of Princess Diaries II. Adrian let out a burst of douche bag laughter and walked away. Heath sunk and began to clean up.
“What is that guy's deal?” Sullivan asked.
“Adrian's the guy who Branded me, he's such a jerk.” Heath replied.
“Sullivan, Cat you help Heath clean up. I've got something to say to Adrian.
Sullivan did so, Cat did not.
I turned to approach Adrian, and there stood the white bull. I froze.
It smiled and nodded and jumped at me.
I shielded my face with my forearms, and a couple seconds later, when I opened my eyes I could see splotches of black on my now white-sweatshirts-clad arms. My heart fluttered.
“Cow Defender,” it was Adrian, a bowling ball-like strike to my gut sent my arms trailing behind me as I cometted into the new release wall. Metal shelving and 32 copies of Hitch flew everywhere.
I find insufficient air, within me to say 'ow,' and I crawled to Adrian, and deftly untied his left shoe.
Both of Adrian's hands come down, double-sledge-style to the back of my head. This impact was sufficient to flip me forward, from all fours to my back.
“Your branding days are over!”
I closed my legs around his left leg like a venus flytrap clamping down on a goliath beetle. He looked down upon me.
“You fool, I am not only a Brander, but also Branded!”
He then tore his shirt off, revealing a large mark on his chest matching the one on Heath's back.
My eyes met his and mine filled with incomprehension.
He sighed then said “I've strength beyond what I'd known.” He continued not with words but but an illustration.
He brought his right foot down upon my torso until my legs didn't follow my will any longer., once free from me, he was free from my legs.
I began throwing copies of Hitch at him, he deflected each copy, but the 22nd copy hit a rack employee picks. Adrian's rack to be precise.
“Ransom? With Mel Gibson?” Adrian looked at me confused.
“As one of your employee picks?”
“Oh, yeah. It's good.”
“But one of your favorites?”
“Well, yeah. The suspense, the acting...”
“Uh, huh...”
“Gary Senise!”
Finally, I got him on the defensive.
“And Mr Deeds?”
“It, the original!” He turned to look at his selection. I'd bought enough time. My legs were mine to command again. I rolled onto my feet and kept my forward momentum. I extended my whole body into a punch, a lunging, overextended punch.
It connected and my right foot was on his shoelace, so he couldn't fall well. More racks fell. I got back to my feet. My pelvis felt hinged. Adrian was on his feet soon after. But when he stood I saw it, his branding iron. He brought up his fists, one rocketed towards me, then right before it landed.
“Adrian, I need you to check out.” said the night's manager on duty. The punch landed as did I. Then Adrian went up front. I breathed heavily for a couple of minutes. Then stood. I limped over to a couple.
“Cow Defender!” they exclaimed.
“Yeah, I need your help. On my mark I'll need you to checkout.”
“No problem.”
Then I walked to Sullivan.
“I need you to checkout on my mark.”
He shrugged, “ok.”
I leaned against the back door, and saw that Heath had moved along to Hitch.
A few minutes later, Adrian again approached me.
“MOOOO!” I roared. And Sully, Cat and the couple walked to the front. Adrian raised his fist and sure enough: “Adrian could you check out?”
He sneered, sighed, and turned.
As he walked away I grabbed the branding iron, tugged and removed it form him.
“Ha!”
“That isn't my source of power. I'll be back for you in a minute.” So he was.
He threw a punch, my pelvic hinge gave way. Luckily he'd not tied that lace. And tripped.
“Bull of White!” then the bull arrived and laid upon Adrian.
I then began to interrogate him, he couldn't fathom what was holding him down. Then some guy scampered in, nabbed the iron and removed the brand from Adrian. Who then cried. The man scampered off. I learned what I could and left. When I passed through the second set of doors I was Steven again. Cat was entering, “We forgot Heath.”
“Right.”
I looked in and saw Adrian rising.
One down.
back to: CD
Central Just
by July