“Steve's in a superhero team,” Laura informed her husband.
“Oh?” Josh responded.
“Yup, its on page 5 of the City Life section.”
She tossed the City Life section of the paper in the middle of the group.
I tilted my head and saw the picture.
“What are your powers?” Kim asked.
It was common knowledge Kim was Magnet Girl. Less common knowledge was Kim's struggle over her hero name. She felt she wasn't a girl anymore, but she had name recognition. She'd soon have an art history degree, too.
What was my power?
“I'm not really sure.”
What do you guys do? Is it condiment related?” Asked Josh, as though it was the only option. Condiment Man had been the only show in town for so long that it was easy to see why Josh could think all super heroing would be condiment related.
In fact, just 5 weeks prior, the KC Star ran an Op-Ed column saying just that. **
Josh had that clipping on his fridge. So did I.
We thought it was amusing.
“I really don't know what the group's plan is, do you?” I turned to Sully.
“Nope.”
“That's you?” Josh's mom, Jill, asked Sully.
“Yup.”
“Three superheroes came to my barbecue!” Laura proclaimed.
She laughed, quickly joined by her family and Josh's family.
Josh and I joined as the laughter trailed off.
“It's ready!” Anna stated.
The packed living room then played Scene It.
Over an hour of playtime under the incorrect rules. Barbaric rules where pieces scarcely escaped the gravity of 'start.'
Sully mercilessly stopped his foes in their tracks during 'all plays.'
We'd agreed to change to the correct rules when we got back to the first team. I called the shot. I turned to my team, Kim, Jill, Bobby (Josh's sister-in-law's boyfriend), and one of Laura's sisters. I said, “we should just win this turn.”
We did not relent. Bobby and I went back and forth, pressing the advantage. Then our team arrived at the 'final cut.' And there Magnet Girl landed the final blow. Without a moment of hesitance she uttered the words “City Slickers.”
Immediately following that victory, we heard quite a din from outside.
The scream of rending metal filled the night outside.
Laura began leading guests out the back, except for the superheroes.
Josh went upstairs, as he was already home.
“Where'd Kim go?” I asked to no one in particular.
Sully and I walked out front, then to the left.
“Oof!”
From behind us, we turned. Sully spoke.
“Condiment Man!””
I looked down at him, as he cradled his ankle, I looked up to see where he fell from.
“Can you fly? I've never really known, you have a cape.” I said.
He stood, putting as little weight as possible on his left foot.
We walked slowly to the source of the sound.
The second town home parking lot over we discovered a walking vaguely humanoid lump of metal.
“Maybe it just makes that sound when it walks.” Sully mused.
It then grabbed a nearby car, and tore a chunk out. Filling our ears with that wretched noise.
“I am not an 'it,' I'm a man!”
He then through the chunk at a high rate of speed towards us.
Sully grimaced and jumped into the path of the flying debris.
I'd imagine the grimace worsened upon the impact, but I couldn't see.
Sully went down, clutching his sternum.
I still wasn't sure what I could do as Steven, I ran away.
It didn't take long to become Cow Defender and get back. I knew what I could do as Cow Defender.
Sully was back up, facing me as I approached. Torn shirt, large bruise. I wasn't even sure if I saw the bruise, as I neared it looked alright.
“Cow Defender!”
As Sully exclaimed his excitement of seeing a second 'big league' superhero to fight beside, another chunk made a glancing impact to his right ear.
I dodged to my left.
Sully turned towards the metal man and walked quickly.
I could see him shake his head as he pulled his fist back.
Bang! Snap!
Bang! Snap!
Sully had thrown a right haymaker punch, followed by a left.
I could only assumed the snaps had more to do with his hand bones than the metal guy being punched.
Sully slumped to the ground, doing his best to clutch his hands simultaneously.
He settled on putting them in his armpits and rolling around.
Condiment Man limped quickly to the metal man, I followed.
“Condiment Kick!” He said, as he shifted his weight. Then he stopped. He looked down at Sully, then to his own ankle.
“That wouldn't have a chance of working. This is no waste at all!” He continued, pulling a packet of fire sauce from his condiment belt.
With more grace, skill and dexterity then I'd dreamed I'd ever see, I watched Condiment Man tear open the packet, just a little, and squirt it 3 feet into the eye region of the metal man. He used only his thumb and forefinger to do so.
“I'll have to wipe that off!” The metal man shouted.
Immune to salsa in the eyes?
“But can you take a hit from the bull? Bull of White!” I roared.
The bull of white materialized 40 feet away and bore down at the villain.
Clank.
The bull of white wound up laying down next to Sully.
Sully was staring at his hands.
“I'm good to go again.”
He stood and threw his knee at the metal guy's pseudo-jawline.
Clank. Sully let out something a little worse than a grunt.
The metal man swiped his arm at Sully sending him tumbling through the rear windshield of a nearby Mazda 3. One of his feet went through the driver side window and took out the side view mirror. Then he swiped at me, almost sending me through the left break light of the vehicle. I didn't make it much further than an inch in.
I remembered way back, years ago, to something I'd been able to do once.
I felt as the yellow surged through me and I did as Patros had once instructed.
I lost control of my body, which charged the metal fellow. Horns of yellow energy formed upon my head and gored him. I bucked around and flung him into a nearby basketball goal, destroying it. I shook it off and regained control of myself.
“That really hurt,” he stated as he got back up.
“Then you surrender!”
“No.”
He was headed our way again.
I turned to Condiment Man.
“Do you have anything?”
He smiled and again his hand reached for that belt.
The metal guy began floating above the ground.
Clank. Clank.
I cocked my head at Condiment Man, who shrugged.
A voice came from behind us.
“You need to stay locked away longer, Slag!”
Magnet Girl for the second time in one night swooped in for the victory, with no hesitance.
“Is that my car?” She asked as Sully opened the driver's door. “Slag!”
Clank. Clank. Clank.
Slag went limp and was eventually picked up by the police.
Magnet Girl told us a little about Johan Slag, asked a bit about what I'd been up to 'with that whole absence thing,' and stated a fair deal of relief after finding out that the damage to her car was covered by her insurance.
“Yeah, most of my villains are metal based. They get out of prison they just slowly find their way to me. It makes sense.”
“What was the clanking?” Sully asked.
“Ah, I was distressing the metal rapidly. I've found that seems to hurt them a good deal.”
The tow-truck arrived. Laura was looking for Josh. Sully started looking for Steven.
I made certain that he found him.
back to: CD Central Just by July
over to: A Conversation Concerning the Misters