“Cow Defender is a huge idiot.”
“Oh?”
Pam shifted her head in my lap, her feet twitched at the other end of her new sofa.
She was looking up at me now as I played with her hair.
“He is. He let the bad guys get away. Every time I looked over he was getting beat up. Slashed in the face. Then the silver lady was on top of him, punching him...”
“Isacupe Dray.”
“Right. Then I had to end our date early to deal with clean up.”
I couldn't say I was enjoying the conversation.
As long as she dislikes Cow Defender, I can't let her know that I am he.
I had an idea to change the subject.
“Do you have a sidekick?”
“I do, she has the power to find laundry in the desert.”
My face contorted in confusion.
“She's doing it right now, off in Nevada. Oh, I am going to be late! I have an AWLS meeting to go to. Its a superhero thing.”
She sat up, handed me a card and said it was time to go. I gathered my things and stepped out of her new apartment's door. We kissed goodbye and I looked down at the card.
A little reminder card, which read:
AWLS
Sunday Night
9pm @ the Doubletree
I'll just go and show her that Cow Defender is no idiot.
A short drive in my 626 and I was there.
I entered the building and went straight to the men's room, found it empty and became Cow Defender.
I peeked into a couple of wedding receptions before I saw her.
Redix was addressing the gathering.
Redix is renowned for being the most powerful superhero known to man. Her powers, however, only work in outer space. So, if an asteroid needs smashed, she's the first name on the list.
I crept into the room, brimming with five dozen heroes, and sat next to in-costume-Pam. She didn't immediately notice, but the person I walked in front of to get to the seat did.
“Hey Cow Defender!”
I looked to the my right, there sat Magnet Girl.
A few heads turned, one in front of me was Catherine.
“We fought once, right?”
“Kinda.”
Then LBS turned and saw me.
“What are you doing here?”
“What? I'm a superhero.”
“But you aren't a woman!”
“So?”
The head of the person seated to her left as her voice raised, I recognized the face immediately as being Stephanie “No Wicker Woman” Yeo. Pam's sister. Her sister and I waved to one another as Pam continued.
“This is the American Women League of Superheroes!”
My face went flush for a moment.
“I think it's cool,” Magnet Girl interjected.
A number of heads around us nodded in agreement.
Lara, the sole female Mister, was there paying much attention. I decided to do likewise.
But Redix was sidetracked by the time I was listening. She shouted at me.
“Cow Defender!”
She sounded excited.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, that's great. Come up here.”
I did.
“Here, face everyone.”
I did. She spoke to the masses.
“Studies show that 80% of all American superheroes are female. That number is up from 60% just 3 years ago.
“That is controlling, of course, for the introduction of 300 girl in Colorado, we only count her as 1 hero.
“What we have here,” she pointed at me, “is a minority.”
I wasn't quite sure what to do, Redix continued.
“I move to amend the name of our organization to the American Women's League of Superheroes to reflect that we are an organization for American women, not necessarily of.”
“Second,” I couldn't recognize the heroine, but I recognized the person seated next to her.
Sarah Chaar.
Interesting, I don't know how I'll find out about that.
Redix spoke again.
“Then I put it to a vote. A simple show of hands.”
Seven hands remained down.
“The alteration has passed. Our organization's charter will reflect this by the opening of our next meeting.”
Five hands-down-folk stood.
Amongst them was Iron Ma'am.
Iron Ma'am had been the Savior of Ohio that Sully had told me about. She'd thwarted the Hennaers. The Hennaers were so similar to the Branders that I really thought she could help me out on solving that. She moved to Kansas and I didn't even know.
Iron Ma'am wields a pair of irons forged in the same furnace as Thor's Mjollnir. How she came across them, the tale had never been told.
Iron Ma'am now spoke.
“I think much an be learned about our society from our superheroes. Women on average have higher IQs. Sixty percent of all children that are found to be gifted are girls. The military did team exercises measuring women against me. Women teams outscored men teams in all but one exercise. Nineteen percent of superheroes are male, while 85% of all villains are male.
“Men earn more money, acquire more power. All American Presidents have been male. We do not heed to count them as a minority. We don't need to change for them. They need to change for us.
“And one last thing, that man standing next to you gets more positive press when he destroys a city block to save a puppy than Redix does for saving the world.
Iron Ma'am stormed out with four others in tow.
Only one did I recognize, Little Ball of Sunshine.
One that I did not looked at me and shouted.
“I can't help you, you're like a child before night.”
Redix shook of me of last declaration's confusion.
“Don't worry about them, and welcome Cow Defender.”
I could see by LBS's face as she left that this mission was a complete failure.
Redix raised my hand in victory, a flashbulb went off.
Two days later was a Tuesday, the day the Kansas City Star runs the Herowatch section. Section C.
Prominently appearing on that page was a picture of Cow Defender and Redix arms raised in victory, beneath. Above the picture, the headline read, “Cow Defender Joins AWLS: Organizational Name Change in Celebration.”
I saw this over Pam's shoulder.
She made a little sound that conveyed anger.
This was the first I'd seen of the Herowatch, which apparently had been running since 2001.
I wonder what that heroine meant when she said I was like a child before night.
back to: CD Central Just by July